Whether your kid has a sobby face or explodes like a bomb, anger management skills can benefit every child. You aren’t alone when a four-year-old pushes you to such an extent that makes you erupt all hatred and anger that you regret later. Can such a small human even pull out all your emotions? When we can control our emotions in most situations — especially when it comes to interacting with others, how is it that we simply lose our cool when our children do simple things such as pulling out hair or are constantly fidgeting with us? Anger management for moms is what comes in handy in this situation.
It is true that as parents we lose our temper with our children in many situations. However, the most important thing in anger management for moms is that we must not harm our kids — both physically and mentally. Before you leash out your anger the next time, read on to know about how to manage your anger and yet at the same time how to bring up the child with good values.
Is It Normal To Lose Your Temper With Your Child?
Be it an elementary child or a son going to college, it is normal for kids to make you lose your cool. Amongst this, the toddler is a beautiful and important phase that involves physical, cognitive, emotional, social, and interpersonal development. However, it could also get maddening. We don’t need to be perfect parents. All we need to make sure is to handle the situation aptly so that it doesn’t affect the child physically and emotionally.
Though it is normal to get angry because of your child, yelling at them constantly isn’t encouraged. See if techniques for anger management for moms would help. Remember, if you cannot control your anger, it could negatively affect your child. Also, avoid using words that could affect your child as it could make them feel like they are bad and worthless. Probably, it could only make them worse.
Angry Mother Effect On Child
Everyone gets angry. But how effectively you handle the situation is all that matters. Remember, you are teaching your child how to behave. Hence choose to satisfy your ego or emotions over a situation or just walk away from that place by taking a deep breath.
Children get upset when adults get angry because of their behavior. This only puts more mental pressure on them. Angry mothers’ effect on the child is so much it could also affect the way their brains are developing. A household that is full of rage and anger could put your child at risk of mental illness later in their lives.
Also, ensure you do not physically hurt or punish your child. It is believed that physically punishing children puts them at risk of various problems such as antisocial behavior, low self-esteem, negative relationships, etc.
How To Control Anger As A Mother
Almost all moms get angry and lose their cool at some point in their life and look for ways to control their anger. No matter how aggravating we find our child’s behavior, anger isn’t the response we should provide. Thoughts such as ” I am a failure mom”, could lead you to a train of emotions such as fear, anxiety, depression, etc. Since we are unable to control these emotions, we lash them out at our children.
One best way for anger management for moms in a positive way is to simply walk away from the place rather than explode. In this way, you teach kids how to control anger and how to behave. Anger can also turn adverse especially if you are losing your temper while getting angry.
Next time when you are handling the tantrums of your toddler or a stiff teen, here are a few anger management tips for you on how to handle anger in parenting.
1. Try to pause and divert
It is obvious to lose cool and lash out at your kids when you are overtired or overwhelmed. However, the best thing to control mom’s rage is to bring yourself to the present reality before you start screaming. It is obvious for mommies to lose that cool. The best thing we can do is to take a pause and count from 10 to 1 or you can even count ten objects in your room. Doing this will divert your mind and will help you bring your mood back to a manageable level.
2. Practice deep breathing
When you experience high-stress levels and feel like losing out, all you need to do is to take a deep breath. Doing this in an intense situation will help you fight the stress response. Normally, the heart rate increases when you get angry or start shouting. However, while taking deep breaths, you breathe in through your nose which makes your belly fill up and expand and let it out through your mouth.
3. Excuse yourself
If you are about to lash out at your child, it is time to take some mommy time. Just use phrases like “I’ll be back.” “I’m going to the other room.” “I’ll come when I’m ready.” Do not sit idle during this time as it may only increase your rage. You need to preoccupy your mind with activities such as watching television, reading a magazine, or something that could help you cool your mind. If you are a mom of a very young baby, place them in a crib and move on from the place to take a pause.
4. Take a walk
Going for a walk is the best thing that you can do when you are lost. Taking a walk in nature is the best way to reduce anxiety and stress. Go plain on the grass and enjoy the sound of nature.
5. Get enough sleep
Are you getting enough sleep? Probably not. Sleep is an integral part of parenting. When you focus on putting your child to sleep, take a break and get yourself some sleep too. By giving your mind and your body the required rest, you can achieve a healthy mind and healthy body which can help you feel much better. Moms must ensure they get a sound sleep of 7 to 8 hours of sleep.
6. Do something you love
Sometimes doing what you love is the best way to heal and calm yourself. It could be anything like reading a book or solving sudoku. Make sure to keep it a priority. Spending even 30 minutes doing something you love could be a life-changer.
7. Be kind to yourself
It is vital to be kind to yourself in the process of losing your mind. The main reason for becoming angry is that moms are impatient with themselves. It is good to see this as an opportunity for self-love.
Mom Rage Symptoms
Mom’s rage is something that many women don’t prefer to talk about. Yet again, they are there crying and struggling to overcome this. Maternal anger or mom’s rage takes many parents by surprise. There comes a swell of rage during those moments of frustration.
Rage and anger are two different things. Anger can be considered a healthy emotion that could drive us to accomplish something. Anger comes and goes when it is properly expressed and it is more situation-based. Rage on the other hand is uncontrolled anger that leads to violent or senseless acts.
Mom’s rage is one of the symptoms of postpartum depression. Most of the time moms feel sad, lethargic, or anxious. Mom’s rage could cause anger outbursts, and shame on parenting in the first year. You promise yourself not to do it again but end up doing it all over again. Rage is awful.
Moms undergoing this do not have any prior rage experiences. Surprisingly, you find yourself shouting at your spouse for no reason or getting angry at your child because she is crying. At this point, you might not know what is happening and why you are behaving like this. For most of them, depression means sadness. However, short temper, irritability, and frustration are also a part of this mom’s rage or postpartum depression. If you are angry or irritable after your baby is born, it is suggested you must not take it lightly.
Listed below are a few mom rage symptoms or sources for mom’s rage that you must not ignore.
1. Moms feel like a failure
One of the most common talks amongst moms during their initial days of parenting is talks about them being a failure. They talk about being a bad example and ruining the future of their children. They compare themselves with other moms whom they feel have a perfect life without any troubles. They judge their success and parenting techniques based on how their children behave. And when there is another outburst of rage, they see that as a failure.
2. Moms overburden themselves with responsibility
Mom is filled with responsibility. All they do is multitask throughout the day and at every moment. This makes them feel too stressed and overburdened. At this moment, when the child cries or the members of the family do not co-operate, there is an outburst. Moms are so involved in every part of the child right from their mental, emotional and cognitive development ignoring the pressure from the household chores as well. When any of these misses, the rage erupts. This mostly happens when the kid sneaks without eating or delays his bedtime etc.
3. Every other person’s need is their priority
This means moms tend to put their needs and wants at last trying to satisfy the wishes of others. Her sleep, rest time, her favorite show everything is compromised or comes at last. She focuses on taking care of others even when her own body is calling out for rest. Even when there is a recovery needed, all she does is do what the family members need. This could cause burnout such as frustration, mood swings, and exhaustion. In this weary state, rage is their threshold for lashing out.
4. Mom’s work is taken for granted
Waking up to the cough of a child or checking if everyone is doing well, a mom’s night is also exhausting with so many thoughts. Even in the late nights, all she worries about is if the sick child will recover if the maid will turn up tomorrow, and if her permission slip will be granted by her boss. With the endless laundry and the different meals to be put up on the table, mom always feels responsible for everything. In this world where everyone advertises motherhood as rest, all a mother does is feel responsible for everyone’s well-being. There aren’t any praises or recognition for what she does and it all ends up in an outburst.
5. Mom’s grief in many ways
A mom’s grief and the things she lost are so much that she doesn’t even recognize its impact on her rage outburst. They grieve about everything right from their looks, their lost freedom, and their lost career to the change in their identity. Unrecognized and unprocessed grief builds over the years causing an outrage of it. Moms feel ashamed to talk and get back gratitude for what they have done towards raising the child. Processing grief is a big task for which you need to give the right time and space to acknowledge your loss and recover from it.
What Causes Mom Rage?
Moms’ rage is a true condition that many overlook as just anger. This is when you feel like exploding when someone is going to call you at that moment — especially your kids calling out “mommy!mommy!”. Mom’s rage happens when you are exhausted after just giving it always from your side. Mom’s rage happens when you are overwhelmed with a lot of things, especially with anger, and struggle to go back to the calm and patient side of parenting.
All we expect is motherhood to be bliss. But nobody talks about the other side of it which makes us angry and the anger turns out into rage. We experience this when there is a lack of self-care, lack of time for ourselves, or when there is no support.
Many moms experience rage due to unresolved traumas from childhood affecting motherhood or the transition that is expected in our identities as women. We see our partner’s life least affected due to parenting and that is why we rage at them the most.
This mom’s rage could also be due to factors such as unfinished laundry, mess around the house, and sensory overload. Anything like kids constantly asking for snacks, noises from toys, and sibling fights could trigger you.
How To Deal With Mom Rage
Many of us confuse postpartum depression with postpartum rage(like how many moms name it!). While anger is something you can express, rage is something that all moms want to hide. All they feel is a shameful secret. Motherhood is a provocation yet moms are expected to act saintly and patiently.
While the cries, tantrums, and whining of younger children can make us go crazy, with older children the outrage could turn out to be anything like even changing the plans we had for the day. The frustration we build up is due to various factors such as making our kids study harder, the pending household chores to be done, and the meals to be cooked. The lack of support for moms is one major reason for the rage to build up.
So now that we are all raging, how can we make something positive out of this?
1. Take a break
We all need a break at some point in time. With mom’s chores piling up, many of us forget to take a break for ourselves. Remember, you are a human and all you need is to take a break to energize yourself for the next set of chores. Since we all are humans, we all have a range of emotions. Just think if someone told you it was an exhausting day, would you not advise them to rest for some time?
2. Lower your expectations
We all keep our expectations high. But you can not mean them when you are in the process of parenting. You cannot expect your home to always be clean or the dishes to be washed and kept clean. You need to get out of the practice of micromanaging the rest of the family. You must know what you want to do versus what must be done to save your routine on the days the rage is high.
3. Validate your child’s feeling
Everyone has feelings, and so does your child. We often try to control their feelings or think they are the source of unhappiness. When you try to jump in quickly into a situation and fix things, children may think you are trying to control them which may further infuriate both of you. Instead of offering a piece of advice to your child, you can tell your child phrases like “I understand how you must be feeling”, and “what would be helpful”.
4. Get to the heart of the matter
When you feel you are at the peak of the rage, therapy can be a great source to help you. Most of the time, the way you react to a situation could be because of your past traumas. Getting to know the source of the issue can help you move forward. When you are hesitant to go to therapy, try to identify the triggers and act smartly when the situation arises.
5. Find space
Space can be anything like having a bath, going for a walk, or watching your favorite show on Netflix. Sometimes, staying in a room all by yourself could also ease the situation. Physical space is something that cannot be afforded by many moms even worse if you are a mom of a young kid.
Why Am I Getting Angry At Small Things
Anger isn’t a bad emotion. However, it must be handled appropriately. Knowing the reason for anger is the best way of anger management for moms. Anger becomes a problem when it isn’t managed healthily. There are many common reasons for anger. This could include things such as situations testing your patience, lack of appreciation of your opinion or efforts, etc. Other causes of anger could be any traumatic events or too much bothering about personal problems.
Anger triggers are different from one person to another as it depends on what you expect from others around you. Your reaction to a situation or how you were taught to react to it also matters. If you weren’t taught to express anger right from childhood, the anger which you accumulate during motherhood might explode as a rage. Sometimes underlying medical conditions also add to outbursts.
How Do I Stop Being Angry Over Little Things?
Most of the time, it is not the stress that is killing us, it is how we react to it. If you are someone who easily gets pissed off over small things, you can comfort yourself. It is ok to explore your feelings at times, but just that you don’t feel great after doing it. Remember, if something has been bothering you for a long time, even the slightest inconvenience could make it explode. If something from the past is bothering you at present, try to resolve it. When things don’t go as planned, it is obvious for the emotions to erupt.
With the tips for anger management for moms given below, try to control your anger and respond appropriately to the situation by taking a pause, practicing deep breathing, and finding a way to be compassionate rather than taking things personally or by rechanneling how you feel.
How Do I Control My Anger With My Child?
Losing your temper can have serious effects on your child. Everyone gets angry. But it depends on whom you get angry with and to what extent it affects them. Since as moms we set an example for our children, the best thing to do while getting angry is to just walk away from that place.
The best way to deal with anger is to recognize its signs before it erupts so you could take the situation under control.
Following are a few signs of getting angry.
- a fast heartbeat or breathing faster
- tense shoulders
- feeling agitated
- clenching your jaw or hands
- churning stomach
When you find these trigger signs, you should leave the place. Go for a walk or take a bath or listen to music that might soothe you. Instead of immediately lashing at the child, find ways to relax yourself such as counting from 10 to 1. Try to rephrase your sentences into positive ones rather than showing rage to the child. Assure your child that it is only their actions that you don’t like and not them.
When you lose anger with your child, make it a point to apologize to them later. In this way, the child will understand that it is ok to feel agitated as long as you deal with it well. Once you calm down, sit back and think about what made you angry and how better you could have handled it.
How Does An Angry Parent Affect A Child?
When children see their parents angry, they stress themselves blaming them to be the reason for the chaos in the family. When too much yelling and fights happen in a home, the child could get disturbed mentally. Remember, a good voice doesn’t convey messages better. Getting angry and shouting at your child could make them aggressive physically and verbally.
It has long-term effects on the child such as low self-esteem, anxiety issues, and depression. They find it hard to concentrate on their studies and are left aloof most of the time. These children develop sleeping problems too. It creates a trauma that could affect their mental state in the long run. Remember, no matter how angry you are, you must not show rage physically to your child.
What Happens To A Child’s Brain When You Yell?
It is normal to get frustrated with your child especially when they are misbehaving. However, if you yell at them when you are frustrated, it is pretty sure to have a long impact on their growth. Harsh parental discipline like yelling can have a serious impact on the child’s mental wellbeing.
The following things happen when you are constantly yelling at your child.
- It makes their behavior worse
- It could change the way their brains develop
- The child might get into depression
- Yelling will have effects on their physical health
Tips On Anger Management For Working Moms
Working moms are notoriously busy which adds more pressure when the child isn’t behaving well or there is an unpredictability in parenting. If the working mom is stressed and furious all the time, it might affect her productivity at work. Listed below are a few tips that help them to maintain their sanity as well as stress levels.
- Plan to stay organized
- Set your boundaries
- Stay connected
- Take care of yourself
- Seek help if required
- Focus on anger management for moms
Tips On Anger Management For Single Moms
Dealing with her anger is the most challenging part of being a single mom. Since life changes from what you thought it would be, your emotions can be a great question. Managing your anger is possible and is easier than you think. The following tips will help you with anger management for single moms.
- Let your kids know how you feel
- Write down your feelings and either burn them or tear it
- Exercise to vent your anger
- Talk with someone
- Accept yourself
Best Anger Management Books For Moms
A lot of us lose our cool many times. It is ok provided it is an outburst of your emotion. However, getting angry in the long run for everything or if you have trouble controlling your emotions, you may need to look into the following anger management books which might help you start.
1. The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, by Harriet Lerner, PhD
2. Rage: A Step-by-Step Guide to Overcoming Explosive Anger, by Ronald Potter-Efron MSW, Ph.D.
3. The Anger Workbook: An Interactive Guide to Anger Management, by Les Carter, Ph.D., & Frank Minirth, M.D
5. How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids: Effective strategies for stressed-out parents, by Carla Naumburg, Ph.D.
6. Overcoming Anger in Your Relationship: How to Break the Cycle of Arguments, Put-Downs, and Stony Silences, by W. Robert Nay, Ph.D.
Are There Any Anger Management Classes For Moms
When all of us talk about anger management, not many of us know that there are classes that are especially entailed for this. Whether it is online classes or visiting a therapist, anger management classes for moms help them to feel better and teach them to control their anger. These courses are generally led by a qualified instructor who is knowledgeable about emotional regulation and anger management.
While there are various courses available, listed below are a few.
- Open Path
- Anger Masters
- Anger Management Training Institute
- The Logan Group Int.
- Ultimate Anger Management Course
Any Hacks to Be Less Overwhelmed as a Mom
Feeling burnt out and overwhelmed is what we all go through as moms. With all responsibilities and tasks piled up, it could be difficult to stay calm and have smooth parenting. Here are a few hacks to be less overwhelmed as a mom that will bring peace and fulfillment to your life.
- Acknowledge what you go through
- Seek a help
- Think about what gives you peace and joy
- Practice gratitude
- Prioritize self-care
- Set a schedule
- Don’t compromise sleep
- Take a break from home
- Meet friends
What To Say And What Not To Say To Kids When You Are Angry
When your child or teen is throwing tantrums, what is the first thing you would do? Would you get angry and start yelling back at them or stay calm and try to normalize the situation. What do you say to kids matters most, especially when you are angry?
Dealing with childhood anger is the toughest thing to handle. And mommy! You are not alone in this. However, there are a few things that you can say and a few things you must avoid saying, no matter what.
1. Instead of saying” Stop doing or stop throwing” try out phrases like “I think we can. Or I think you don’t like what you are playing, so can we…”
2. Instead of saying “don’t be angry” try saying “it’s okay to get angry. Even I do get it at times.”
3. Instead of saying “stop complaining” try saying “I can hear you, how can I help”.
4. Instead of saying “how many times should I repeat” try saying “I guess you didn’t hear me the first time.”
5. Instead of saying “go to your room”, try “I’m waiting here to hug you”.
6. Instead of sighing and rolling your eyes try to make eye contact with your child.
7. Instead of saying ” I’m done talking with you” try “I love you.”
8. Instead of saying “stop saying no” try “how can we make it workable”.
30 Tips To Reduce Anger In 30 Days
Everyone wants to stay calm when it comes to parenting our kids. However, many times we fail in it. We become lost as though we are possessed by some force. If you find yourself overpowered with anger or rage, try practicing these 30 techniques with one each day which will help to get your anger controlled in a month.
- Count numbers
- Take a deep breath
- Walk around
- Use one positive mantra every day (you’ll be okay, take it easy)
- Practice yoga
- Escape mentally
- Set your limits
- Practice calm technique
- Follow mindfulness
- Wait before discipling
- Avoid threats
- Avoid physical hurt
- Learn to monitor tone
- Choose your battles
- Release negative thoughts
- Hydrate more
- Visualize your ideal day
- Forgive someone
- Journalize your day
- Avoid unhealthy conversation
- Appreciate your kids
- Read a new book
- Laugh with your kids
- Watch something inspiring
- Speak with someone who can help you achieve this
- Recollect your happy days of parenting
- Create a to-do bucket list with your child
- Engage your body physically
Moms go through a lot of physical and emotional burnouts that could make them feel stressed. While many feel enraged and get angry over their kids, all you need to do is to make sure not to harm the kids physically or emotionally. There are many thoughts that you can use to replace some of those that are causing you to feel things you don’t want to feel. Listed below are a few.
- Identify negative thinking
- Focus on positive thinking
- Practice positive thinking every day
- Practice mindfulness
- Avoid negative thoughts
- Cope up with criticism